Buzzin’ By

It’s one of those days when things just seem overwhelming.  

The checking account has $50.00 in it.   The monthly ’spending money for college’ for my stepdaughters for the month cleared the account today - leaving each of them with $320 and me with $50.    My husband has spent the last four weekends doing fun stuff … going to the NASCAR races in Richmond, Darlington, and Charlotte and the remaining Sunday was an all day and evening fishing trip.   I have to question why I’m working and where the money goes sometimes.  I never, in my wildest dreams, thought I’d be 48 years old and living paycheck to paycheck.  

I’m frustrated with the lack of respect at home.   The dishwasher can be empty - the counters cleaned - and I turn around and there are six cups with dried coffee in the sink.   Not in the dishwasher … in the sink.   Nothing is returned where it came from.   Nothing is put away.    Clothes are taken off and kicked on the floor.  I guess it’s too far to the hamper that is inches away.   I guess I’m ‘expected’ to pick up for him.  And now Rachel seems to follow in this mindset more and more often - although if I do ask her to straighten up, she will.  I shouldn’t need to ask anymore though.    I have no idea how to get through to my husband.   He feels like since he works - he shouldn’t need to pick up after himself.   But I work too!   And if I do talk to him about picking up - he gets upset and tells me to ‘relax.’  

I’m tired to the bone of this job.   It’s torture sitting here all day … day after day … with little to do, knowing that I have so much I could be doing at home.   But that just takes us back to square one … because if I don’t work we can’t put the money into the stepdaughter’s ’spending’ accounts or pay for the truck to take me back and forth to work.  

I’ve really screwed up here.